How To Seduce Your Customers
October 26th, 2011 8:30am by Nick Sweeney
Hi there, potential customer. I saw you across the room and I just had to introduce myself. You come here often? Ha ha, you're a silly thing - you don't have to bother answering. I'm not going to listen anyway; I'm just going to tell you all about myself. You'll appreciate it, I know.
My market research has informed me that posting something on my Facebook Page at least three times a week will make you want me and my services.
And I know that by tweeting the latest news and information about me, you'll be clawing your way through the crowd to give me your credit card number. I read about it in a marketing blog, so it must be true.
Of course, I tried to get your attention before. Maybe you saw my banner ads? You couldn't have missed my Facebook ads and my Super Bowl commercial. I spent all of last year's profits on it.
But I see you're the type of customer who plays coy. I like that. Shhh...don't speak. I think we both know the best way to gain your trust is to give you canned quotes from my various other satisfied customers.
Ahh...satisfaction. It's part of our guarantee. You no doubt have seen it - we blasted it on all of our marketing materials. It's even at the top of our home page. We even added an extra exclamation point to drive it home. In fact, we have an average 7 exclamation points per page because we know that you're as excited about our product as we are.
Shhh...I know you want to speak, but really, it's not necessary. We have an entire campaign chock full of stock photo models and we've already attributed quotes to them. Because we already know what you think of us. Thanks for letting us tell you how great we are.
So, did you want to get together and maybe buy from us?
Hey, hey, where are you going? Oh, SURE go to the company that listens to you and replies with context to your complaints or recommendations. Go on, we didn't want you anyway! You'll be back.
Sigh.
Hi there, potential customer. I saw you across the room and I just had to introduce myself. You come here often?